When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You dont lie about slip and slides
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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