I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
