it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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