roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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