I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
