Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
