I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
