they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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