Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
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My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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