Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the room spins SO much faster in panama
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
