did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
