So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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