I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
