Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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