DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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