I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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