doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
