I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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