i just wanna soil my oats bro
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
