I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
