It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
