So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
