Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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