she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
