Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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