i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
