Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i now understand why vodka
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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