her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
