i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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