so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
