billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
