your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
