Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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