when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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