O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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