after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
