I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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