i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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