If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
