He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Panties = found
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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