Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
