Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
