sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
