i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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