my mouth tastes like poor choices
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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