there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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