the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Shame - the story of my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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