So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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