I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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