Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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