no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
