he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I deserve this hangover.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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