I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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