She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
