I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
