He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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