check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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