I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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