i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
