i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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