She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize