my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
